it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize