God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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