So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize