I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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