Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize