i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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