Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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