Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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