How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize