had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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