ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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