matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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