He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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