And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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