I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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