You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize