I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize