he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize