Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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