U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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