The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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