he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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