Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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