my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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