I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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