apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize