Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize