I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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