If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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