If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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