I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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