Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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