im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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