they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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