I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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