All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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