Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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