she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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