He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize