A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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