I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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