in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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