she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
