guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i have two assholes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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