Just cropdusted the office
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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