i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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