p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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