you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think my moral compass just broke
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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