she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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Alive.
So much puke
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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