my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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